Butterflies

Well here I am on the eve of another 12 hour race. Tomorrow is a 5 a.m wake up call to check in the boats and get the transition area ready. I hadn't planned on racing this weekend, but got the call for a team last week. I was able to ride a little, run even less and paddling = hah = none. So needless to say, I hope I'm ready. I guess I'm about as ready as I'm going to be. My heart's racing and I doubt I will get much sleep tonight, but it should be fun. I shouldn't feel nervous, but I am. All the gear 's packed and I guess I need to head out the door. I know I'll be wondering in the middle of the race why I'm out there and why I miss my family so much, but I need to challenge myself every so often to make sure I don't get burnt out on being so domestic around the house.

On Dreams and Dreaming

I had a couple of dreams the last few nights that were quite emotionally stirring. After having woken up from them, It took about 10-20 minutes of lying awake to realize that they were just dreams and and that they were not for real. These dreams had evoked emotions from relationships past that I think are not resolved (nor will they ever be). After falling back to sleep, the strangest thing happened, the dream continued on from where it left off. Usually when I fall back to sleep, the subject changes or I don't dream any longer. The only thing I can attribute this instense dreaming to is the amount of sleep I got over vacation. Eight to Ten hours a night for about four nights in a row. I think I need to go back to my insomnial ways.

Some thoughts on my dreaming the last few years.

I used to have a lot of control over my actions when I dreamt. I used to be able to wake up from within a dream at will, make choices, take action or not. I am no longer a lucid dreamer.

I used to think that dreaming meant that I was getting good rest, that I was in a deep sleep. The more dreaming I do lately, the more emotionally drained I feel when I wake up.

I used to think that dreams really had no meaning, that they were stray brain activity or snippets of memory that would crossover into sleep consciousness at random. Because they have been so emotional the last few times, I am now not so sure.

I still remember my scariest dream from high-school where the evil yellow with black spots cat-woman was chasing me down trying to kill me (or whatever). Although I could care less about cat-woman or marvel comics or any fictional creature, this one was scary. I was physically frozen for about half an hour after I woke up because I was so scared.

For now, I would rather not dream. I'd rather just go to sleep, void, then wake up rested.

Anyways, those are my thoughts on dreaming.

Catching up

I've been busy with work, but my project is pretty much done - two weeks early. I did this despite cleaning up other people's messes, jury duty, production problems, and my habitual insomnia which leaves me cranky all the time. Vacation in two weeks and counting down...

I did get the side flower banks all re-rocked, dug up, tilled, fertilized and replanted with the help of my nephew. I think the Azaleas, gardenias and camelias will do nicely in the deep shade there. Time will tell. The previous owner of the house decided he wanted a jungle for a yard, and planted all sorts of who-knows-what exotic plants that were a complete mess. In the three years of working at a nursery, I've never encountered these types of alien plantform. Anyway, the gardener dug it all up, and I replanted everything. I'm about 75 pct done with the malibu lights so it should look pretty cool when finished. Maybe a new patio set and BBQ grill will top it all of nicely by the summer.

Riding?? HAHAHA, hardly any. The rain has pretty much screwed any plans we've had to ride the last 2-3 weeks. Next week? More rain, we'll be doing a 20 mile trip up Harding tomorrow, but first a friend's kid's b-day party. Kaleo will enjoy the bounce-house.

Arcade? Nada, just more crap piling up in the garage. I have to clean it up and rid myself of one cabinet before I can proceed again.

As of late, I'm never caught up and I'm always behind on something around the house. Guess I'm glad to be able to take some time to organize my thoughts, put them down on e-paper and updated this blog with an entry.

I started reading again, it helps me fall asleep at night. So instead of getting five hours of sleep, I get six. Hey, its a start.